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The Therapist Will See You Now – Review of Landscapes of the Heart: The Working World of a Sex and Relationship Therapist by Juliet Grayson

Ever wondered what a therapy session may be like? Just open up Landscapes of the Heart and let Juliet Grayson welcome you in. On Amazon

Landscapes of the Heart is my type of non-fiction reading. I adore fictional TV medical series and have read previous biographies from the medical world. However, I never thought I would find a book on therapy so fascinating. I never thought therapy would be for me, but while reading this book, I found that it might be for everyone, I’m now on a waiting list to actually see a therapist. I have things to sort out in my head, and I’ve known that for a while, but I never saw therapy as an option. I think this all comes down to the no fuss narrative of Grayson. Each chapter is dedicated to a different case with various relationship or sexual problems.

Firstly, you are a fly on the wall in their first session. The powerful emotions of both anger and sadness draw you into another persons life, but what keeps you locked in is the way Grayson so easily describes how each patient must be feeling. She appears to have quite the gift in ‘walking in someone else’s body’ – the reader almost goes through the therapy session themselves.

The emotions that begin each chapter are so raw that they seep from the pages onto us, making Grayson’s words applicable to us. The reader senses change in the atmosphere. While the patients leave the therapy session with a hint of development, the reader leaves the chapter in a similar way.
Grayson then grants us with a second meeting, there isn’t much worse than being drawn in and hooked on a story, only to watch it disappear with no idea of how things turned out. Not all of the second meetings with patients are filled with drastic changes and happy faces, life doesn’t work that way and Grayson is keen to show us that. She often refers to herself and her problems, which help the reader understand how she came to be such a successful therapist. The second meetings with the therapist are incredibly satisfying. Not only is the reader privy to the patients’ development, but we are also shown that relationships and problems require constant work from people who really want them to succeed.

After the couples’ therapy sessions have been described and their paths revealed, Grayson moves on to a more technical section. What the author does in these sessions is explain in more detail a theory or idea that was mentioned in the therapy sessions. For example, Grayson explains how one takes on a certain role in a relationship: the Boss, the Loner, the Pleaser and the preferred, the Self-Developer. Grayson manages to find level of knowledge to pass on. It is enough for us to understand and apply to our own lives but not too complex that we may never understand it.

Even though the stories of the couples were enjoyable and full of emotion, I think that this book also plays a great role in helping the reader. When I started this book I didn’t think I would get any help from it. Instead, I have found that some of the ideas are ones I will try to use in my own relationships, that therapy may be a great way for to deal with my emotions and ultimately, that we are not alone when facing problems. Everyone has their own problems and I think that sometimes we forget that. Many people hide problems so well that we may never fully understand them. As they say ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ and Grayson can help with that.

One final tip whilst reading this intriguing book: don’t skip over the poetry and quotes!

Put simply, yes. Of course, the unfortunate reality is that a person can’t avoid every single trigger that they might have all of the time – especially if it is an everyday kind of thing. I, for example, used to be triggered by certain songs (and still am to some extent) if I related them to a bad experience or feeling, but I can’t exactly demand that every radio station stops playing them.

Depending on the situation, I think that it is important for people to build up some sort of resistance to triggers, through methods such as counselling or cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). This will help them to process traumatic experiences and learn techniques for coping with distressing subject matter so that they can live their everyday life without being held back by fear.

Whilst it is definitely worth considering that people should seek help with coping with a mental illness or the after-effects of trauma, trigger warnings are absolutely still necessary. For someone who is in recovery, no matter at what stage in the process they are at, triggers still have the power to affect them in a very negative way. On bad days when living itself is difficult, coming across a trigger could push someone over the edge and put back their recovery. Being reminded of the bad things in the world is the exact opposite of what is needed for someone who is recovering from trauma, and can only end in a depressed and/or anxious mindset.

The wonderful things in the world are the way forward, and there are plenty of them to help you with recovering, just make sure to look out for them.

Do you agree? Drop a comment below to let us know.

Around once every year or so, when I’m sick of watching QI repeats and desperately trying to procrastinate, there’s one series I will always turn to – Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

If you’ve never seen it, firstly – where have you been?! And secondly – you should definitely get onto that! I was obsessed with this show when I was a kid – it had action, monsters and a timeless romance to rival that of Ross and Rachel. Buffy was such an influence on me as a young girl that I made the always terrible decision to give myself the Buffy haircut – all evidence has since been destroyed. But aside from my bad fashion choices, Buffy had a very positive influence on young girls as the powerful female icon we’d all been waiting for.

A badass vampire slayer just trying to live an ordinary life whilst going to school on top of a hellmouth, what more could you want? Well, a well-rounded leading female character for one, which thankfully Buffy definitely was. Diverse and intelligent female leading characters weren’t all that common in the 90’s and unfortunately, they aren’t even that common in today’s society, but Buffy Summers signified a move to a more realistic image of women on screen (apart from the vampire slaying stuff). She was independent and tough, but also sometimes sensitive and stubborn, she wasn’t a piece of arm candy or a damsel in distress that needed to be saved, she was more than perfectly capable of saving herself.

And who wouldn’t want to be in Buffy’s “scooby gang”? A fiercely loyal friend and selfless to a fault, Buffy was always putting others before herself, and not just her friends, but the entire fate of the world (try and top that if you can). But it wasn’t just Buffy who was a full and rich female character, pretty much all of the female characters were wildly different and distinct, flawed and fascinating. Take Willow Rosenberg, Buffy’s best friend, for instance – she started out as a meek and mild highschooler, afraid to step out of her comfort zone and constantly bullied, but as the series progressed Willow flourished and changed. She developed her own interests, she fell in love, and struggled with her sexuality, which then lead to one of the first portrayals of a same-sex couple on television.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, what about that Angel guy, he was a pretty dominant male character who Buffy becomes kind of infatuated with. Well yeah, there were romances, to omit romance would be to miss out a huge chunk of life, it’s the way you portray the relationship that counts. The important thing was that her character was never defined by her love life, she was always defined by her actions and the choices she made. And come one, there’s nothing wrong with a good love story.

A tough vampire slaying teen was my first glimpse at a truly powerful female TV character. Buffy will always be relevant to me and I’m guessing to many others out there too. So I guess this was some sort of love letter to Buffy Summers, an enduring feminist icon.

Being cheated on is something many, if not all of us, fear when getting into a relationship. In truth, you never think your other half has the potential to do you dirty. Newsflash, ladies and gents, it happens to the best of us! Nevertheless, cheating is awful but what is actually classed as cheating? Let’s discuss…

Well obviously kissing, touching and or sleeping with someone who isn’t your partner (without their consent) is 100% cheating, that’s a given. And yes, even a drunken smooch when you’re out with the boys is still cheating. Basically, as my partner, if I haven’t given you the green light to have intercourse with Becky and you do it regardless, then yes, you are a cheater.

Even folks in polyamorous relationships with a distinctive set-up can be cheated on. For those unaware, polyamory is the practice of having intimate relationships with more than one partner – and it’s all totally consensual. Now, here’s another scenario. If I know that while dating me you are also dating Wendy, however decide to go ahead and sleep with Becky without my consent or without first alerting me then yes, my dear, you are also a cheater.

As well as physical cheating, there is also emotional cheating. Emotionally investing in someone the same way you would your partner is 100% cheating. Attempting to start a new relationship and or build a new foundation with someone else while still in a relationship is whack as hell to be honest. Even if you haven’t ever gotten physical with this new person, the fact that you are allowing yourself to develop feelings for someone new is still whackity whack.

If we’re in a relationship yet you decide to continuously text Becky, going back and forth with cutesy ‘start of a new relationship’ messages then you, my dear, are a cheater. If you’re happy to go through the gruelling ‘getting to know you’ process with someone new while you’re with me then, again, you are a cheater!

Now here are a few things that I myself don’t consider cheating:

1. Liking a guy or girl, other than your partner’s, on Instagram
2. Remaining in contact with an ex
3. Using AI to write love poems

Personally, liking someone else’s picture on the ‘gram may seem slightly wayward to some but it isn’t actually cheating, not really. I wouldn’t expect my partner to stop finding other women or men attractive just because he’s now with me. The way I see it is we can admire pretty women together – twice the fun! Now, of course, if he doesn’t leave it at just liking the photo and extends that like to a DM then we’d have a problem.

If your partner is in contact with an ex then please don’t fret! It is perfectly okay and reasonable for your bae and their ex-bae to be cordial or even friends – it’s actually pretty healthy. If your bae is really down for you like they say they are, then you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Now of course these are just my personal opinions and not reflective of the masses. It’s all open to interpretation really, but hopefully this helps some folks weary of a ‘Becky with good hair’ lurking around their babe.

Sometimes you just want to binge watch The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt whilst throwing crisps aimlessly towards your face, but there’s the odd occasion when you want to feel more sophisticated and soak up some knowledge whilst throwing cheese and crackers aimlessly towards your face. So, on that note, here are 5 must-watch documentaries you can get stuck into right now on Netflix (in no particular order because I’m not that decisive).

1. Kurt & Courtney

Everyone loves a good conspiracy, right? Well, hold on to your hats because this documentary dives head first in to the most hotly debated conspiracy theory in rock ‘n’ roll history.

Did Courtney kill Kurt? Nick Broomfield tries to untangle the messy web of truth and lies in this in-depth look at Kurt and Courtney and the events surrounding Cobain’s untimely death.

Broomfield gets the down-low on the couple’s private life, has a chinwag with a hitman-for-hire and even confronts Courtney Love herself.

2. Aileen: The Selling of a Serial Killer/The Life and Death of a Serial Killer

Another win for Nick Broomfield! These two intriguing documentaries give the viewer a real insight into the life of the world’s most infamous female serial killer.

What drove Aileen Wuornos to kill seven men? Broomfield takes a closer look at Aileen’s upbringing and what her motivation may have been to shoot seven men at point blank range. He also reveals how the press and Aileen’s closest friends used her situation for their own financial gain.

3. Blackfish

This is the documentary that was the start of Sea World’s extraordinary downward spiral.

Blackfish tells the story of Tilikum, a captive killer whale who could be responsible for the suspicious deaths of several people. A raw and unflinching criticism of the sea-park industry, this documentary features interviews with former whale trainers and uncovers what really happens behind the scenes at Sea World.

4. West of Memphis

If you loved Making a Murderer, you won’t be able to tear your eyes away from West of Memphis.

Damien Echols, Jason Baldwin and Jesse Misskelley were just teenagers when they were convicted of the murder of three young boys in Arkansas. Rumours of Satan worship and the influence of heavy metal music fueled speculation and sparked what many may call a ‘witch hunt’. This documentary brings to light new evidence that didn’t get aired at trial and scrutinises the many downfalls of the American justice system.

5. Searching for Sugar Man

Well, after all that doom and gloom lets end on something a bit lighter.

Mysterious musician ‘Rodriguez’ never really took off in the U.S. but later became a household name in South Africa. In this documentary two fans go on the hunt to find out what happened to their hero and if the tales of his bizarre death are really true. This is a story filled with so many twists and turns you’ll get motion sickness.

BONUS: Manosphere by Louis Theroux

I feel like Louis Theroux could be in contention for the nations sweetheart, move over Stephen Fry. If you just can’t wait for his new Scientology movie to come out, you’re in luck because his extensive back catalogue is all available on Netflix. Check out Louis Theroux’s Weird Weekends for an often hilarious and always engaging look at the worlds oddest and sometimes extremist subcultures.

If one were to stop and look around today, one could be forgiven for thinking we were slaves. To our own anxiety, and to modern ideas invented by powerful institutions or powerful individuals with an institutions worth of people behind them. It seems obvious, and yet, most of us choose to not be witness; to not to see that which governs our everyday existence. In our ignorance of it though, we only grow paranoid. I know this because I’ve been one of these people for a long while now – aware but silent.

When was the last time, like me, you expressed the desire for product? A new pair of jeans, or a new jacket, or perhaps an upgrade of phone? This want for product is of course not exclusive to the digital age, it birthed long before the time of digital communication, but one could most certainly argue it was exaggerated with the boom of digital technology. The very makeup of our communication system now demands we own product. And the makeup of this product demands we’re always connected – always concerned.

When we think about mobile communication, we think of instantaneous connectivity. Talking to friends whilst riding the train, emailing sat in traffic, updating Facebook in the pressing moments before a loved ones funeral. We tap meaningfully into backlit screens, our eyes fixated, our minds jumbled with information we so desperately try to arrange digitally – in a way which see’s us both aesthetically and ideologically pleasing to the masses. As a society and as individuals we feel inclined to remain connected at all times. But why?

Do you remember how it felt the last time you got a notification? You probably didn’t think too much into it, but you got that light tingle. Somewhere inside your brain started making connections; the pleasure you once associated with accomplishing a task like finishing a run, or achieving something like a good test score, or even receiving a pat on the back – it was that same pleasure you felt as you opened up that notification. Someone liked one of your Facebook photos. And it made you feel great. This is what we call digital confirmation, and whilst it feels good, what we as consumers don’t understand is just how addictive it becomes.

We’re now primarily creatures destined to hunt this type of confirmation; seeking approval for the at times meaningless. The new clothing we just purchased, the new poem we wrote, the lack of romance in our lives. A Facebook like or a Twitter heart, these are all digital currencies we allow govern our next steps and our new paths. If we broadcast our darkest moments, well at least we’ll get a few likes and shares out of it right?

You see, seeking this level of confirmation without either the anonymity or level of disconnect the internet provides proves quite the challenge to the digital native. How often have you enjoyed the cloak of a digital identity? Perhaps you’ve left a comment on a news article disagreeing with it’s author, but under the shade of a ‘guest user’ account. It’s a relatively handsome prospect, is it not? Speaking freely without the ties of your real life identity conflicting your argument.

But for those raised receiving the validity of their peers online, the concept of real life discussion, of face to face approval or disproval, it seems emotionally exhausting. How does one bare it without the ability to hide behind a screen, or a digital persona? Whilst still impacting its receiver negatively, disapproval is somewhat dimmed online. Blunted in a way which could only be the product of a personal disconnect with the online identity he or she has built for themselves. A face to face meeting with that same level of disapproval however welcomes an anxiety too troublesome to ignore – what should one do with their body language? How does one hide the pain caused by such disapproval if one is not able to hide behind a screen or username? We have insistently removed ourselves from real life because of this.

We no longer enjoy taking phone calls for fear of a detectable pain in the tone of our voices. We no longer put ourselves at risk of facing judgement outside of the digital realm, be that on the playground, in the classroom or by our parents. We hide behind our digital blanket of safety. And who can blame us? With that option now available, why then should we indulge in this aspect of human existence? Why then should we allow ourselves to feel pain?

Though to grow one must feel this real life pain. One must remain open to the notion and the reality of being judged face to face. It aids us in career path, in life skills and most certainly in spiritual growth. Our paranoia is born through our constant connectivity, because to stay connected is to shy away from these realities. Regardless of whether you’re a digital native or digital adapting adult, our fear of being judged is what keeps us refreshing our feeds, chasing online conversation, distancing ourselves from what the real world promises. A digital silence means facing our real lives, and that, whilst not sounding too menacing on the page, is in actuality one of our biggest challenges in the 21st century.

It’s in the avoidance we breed a fear so strong that the eventual and inevitable meeting with a face to face scenario becomes unbearable. Text feeds between ourselves and friends are rarely conclusive because of this; often meandering from subject to subject, our iMessage becomes a never ending source of sporadic thought. Though it’s rare we ever quench this insatiable thirst for constant communication in the digital age without feeling its repercussions. The almost certainty of anxiety is found in digital silence. And so I challenge you, as I shall challenge myself, to destroy your paranoia today through putting down your phones. Reach out to the human next to you. Tell a story, share a joke. Forget the digital you and love the real you. You’re not as bad as you think.

Can you keep a secret? I can’t.

With the ability to share salacious information within seconds, there is no doubt that girls are the worst culprits for idle petty gossip. What is more exciting than finding out a cheeky fact about a friend’s boyfriend or learning about an acquaintance’s secret fetish and then being able to share this delightful vocal treat with your own gossiping gang? You anticipate the eager faces, and then you can feel the pride after you become the group’s favourite – the holder of new gossip. In female friendship groups, health, beauty, and who has had what cosmetic dentistry and their teeth done and when are prevalent and very common topics, but why do girls love to gossip about other girls so much?

And is this a problem in today’s society?

From high school ages, girls are renowned for their inability to keep a secret and their delight at imparting gossip to their friends. Social media plays a key role in modern-day gossiping as information can be transferred quickly and secretly. In addition to sharing gossip online, social media sites such as X aka Twitter, Facebook and Instagram often become sources of new information to share. I know that it is very easy to find out a lot of information about someone from their online profile – even if it is very trivial facts and, quite often, fictions. These things then become twisted, changed and evolve into gossip, which is then readily shared between individuals. But why is this so interesting?

I think women are naturally nosy. In 2026, with access to other people’s lives online, it is more acceptable to be curious about friends’ interests, life choices, and relationships. Fifty years ago it was not a common thing to pry into other people’s lives as we do now and therefore it would often appear that today’s youth are more invasive when it comes to trying to gain information about other people’s lives. Viewing intimate pictures and learning about relationships from people you have only met once would probably seem strange to people over the age of 50. But really, in current times, if you have the information there to view, why not be nosy and have a look?

The problem with being able to so readily access other people’s intimate details is that ‘information’ often easily becomes salacious gossip. Details are exaggerated, and as the story is told over and over, the facts become decidedly convoluted. Like in a game of Chinese Whispers, the gossip that surfaces at the end is not reminiscent of the facts you began with. Although I love chatting with my friends and more often than not end up sharing more than I should – not just about me, but about others too – I think the culture of gossiping is becoming more and more of a prevalent issue. In a society where everything is open to all, when will privacy return?

Privacy is a big issue when it comes to gossiping about friends in 2026.

When you are sharing all their intimate details with an adoring audience, it is very difficult to think about the effects of your exciting recital. The main victims of girly gossip are people who want to keep their privacy and not have their secrets repeated to everyone within a ten-mile radius. It is very difficult to strike a good balance. When you tell someone a secret you want to be sure they keep it to themselves, but will they? This introduces the idea of not just privacy, but trust too. If we are becoming a society which shares everything, what happens to trust? More.

As information turns decidedly public, gossiping is going to just intensify. Sharing secrets is both satisfying and cruel. Having a gossip session among a few close friends is all well and good, but in 2026, it is difficult to draw an appropriate line between what is fair and what is unfair. With all your information open to all, how do you manage to keep your own secrets? Is there such a thing as a real, true secret in a society full of openness and oversharing?

Interested, get in touch!

Why is finding a pen pal these days so difficult?

The obvious answer is modern technology.

When emailing, texting, and instant messaging are available, it’s not hard to see why the practice of letter writing has declined in recent years. It’s just so, well, instant. Letters, on the other hand, take days (or more) to receive, and it takes more time to actually sit down and write someone a letter. Plus, you have to have paper, envelopes, and stamps, and worry about how many stamps you’ll need. Sometimes you’ll have to make a trip to your local post office to make sure everything is set to mail so that it doesn’t get returned to you and you’d have to start the process all over again. Read reddit.

Why even deal with that? What’s the point when you can send a text or instant message in less than a minute, free of charge? I know, I get it. But who doesn’t love receiving something in the mail? It’s just so much more special that way because you know that that person took the time to gather the supplies, go through the writing process, find the appropriate number of stamps, and be patient enough to wait for it to reach you and receive a response in return. It’s exciting and personal, and you’ll have something to look forward to every month. You’ll also have the letters to save and reread any time you want.

There are other obstacles in finding a pen pal. If you’ve never actually met the person before, there’s the initial getting-to-know-you stage where two strangers email or Skype one another until they’re comfortable that the other person is not a total psychopath who will send them a package of dead kittens.

Although usually people don’t just want to hand out their mailing address to someone they met on the internet. I wouldn’t recommend it unless you are absolutely certain that they are who they say they are and you feel safe about it.

Then there’s the dilemma of actually finding someone to write in the first place. Do you want to write a friend or family member? They may think you’re crazy for even suggesting it. “Who even writes letters anymore?” “I don’t have the time to write a letter.” “We can just email each other instead.” Hey, who knows! Maybe they’ll come around and want to give it a try. Maybe it’ll surprise them how much they enjoy writing and receiving letters!

Would you rather write to someone in another country and learn about their culture? Do you want to just write to someone you’ve never met who lives in another city? If you’re still in school, you could ask a teacher if there’s an academic club or program that arranges penpal relationships. What about that foreign exchange student who attended your school last year? Why not try writing to them and see if they’re interested? If you’re not currently in school, it may be easier to find a pen pal website that will aid you in finding like-minded people. And if that doesn’t work, you could always find someone through a social media account who might be interested. It’s somewhat ironic that modern technology might help you out in finding a pen pal after all! Just remember to take the proper online precautions. It’s better to be safe than sorry!

In the end, it’s hard to find a penpal in this day and age. Most people just aren’t interested and it’ll take some time to find someone who is willing to write to you. Don’t give up hope! There are people out there who are in the same position as you and you might just find each other. Letter writing may be old-fashioned and time consuming but I think it’s certainly worth it.

What do you think about writing letters? Let us know in the comments!

The death of TV – I’m sure it’s something we’ve all thought about, with streaming services becoming more popular, as well as much more numerous – but is it actually going to happen? Of course no one knows for sure (unless you can see the future, in which case winning lottery numbers please), but as far as I’m concerned I think it’s safe to say that no, TV isn’t going to die any time soon.

The world now is very different to the old world. We as a society are so materially obsessed that even when something becomes obsolete, we’re loathe to throw it away. It’s not like a few hundred years ago, when one tool was replaced by another, and the previous tool was ditched. Now, the new tool and the old tool run side by side, hand in hand – there’s always someone hankering for the old, for the safe, for the known. We as a society hoard, it’s what we do. We as a society love a bit of nostalgia, there’s a part of everyone that yearns for a simpler time. This is really why I think TV will be around for a while yet.

Take vinyl for example – vinyl is the ultimate format that just won’t die, no matter how often we try and replace it. First tapes, then CDs, then the short lived mini discs, and now digital downloads and streaming services – vinyl’s challengers have been many, and often, and yet vinyl is still standing. Granted, sales are very low, but so are sales for all types of music, but vinyl is still selling nonetheless. And long will it continue, whether we like it or not.

I think TV will go the same route – if anything it may get even stronger in the face of competition. We’re currently living in what is probably, objectively, the golden age of TV. Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, Stranger Things, Mr Robot, American Horror Story, Orange is the New Black, etc., the quality of programmes being produced is currently so high. Now a lot of the aforementioned have been specifically produced for steaming services – the amount of Netflix, Amazon, etc., exclusive programmes we’re seeing is growing – but the biggest are still for TV. Game of Thrones is arguably the biggest TV series in history, and there’s no chance of that becoming streaming only anytime soon. No chance.

And even if TV did start to die, would people want it to? Obviously there’s a generational gap, as with all new technology – my parents, both retired, watch TV like no one’s business. My dad has Netflix, but is still in the free 30 days, and my mum has no interest in it whatsoever, but this isn’t the only reason. Take ITV, for example – would they be any better off if they became a streaming channel? A quick Google search tells me that to advertise on ITV, you can pay anywhere from £2000 to over £1m – I can’t see ITV taking a risk on becoming online only, and potentially losing those sums. We already have a living example of a channel becoming online only – BBC3. Formerly a Freeview channel, it’s now available to stream only, and the impact hasn’t been positive.

Since becoming online only, BBC3 has lost 20% of its viewers – 1 in every 5 people turned off. I’ll admit, I’m one of them. BBC3 used to be easily accessible, simply pressing 7 on my remote and seeing what was on – now it requires setting up. How much, I don’t know, I haven’t watched it once since it became online only. I think this says it all. On top of this, not only has BBC3’s viewership dropped, but the figures suggest these viewers are instead watching ITV2 or E4 – BBC’s direct and immediate rivals. So not only have they weakened their own proposition, they’ve strengthened others.

BBC doesn’t have advertising revenue to worry about, so this issue isn’t immediately a big problem. But if it were the other way around, and ITV2 and E4 viewers were jumping ship to BBC, then the advertisers would be asking questions. A drop in demand means a drop in price, and this is only going to hurt the networks. So why would they do this? If anything BBC3 has been the guinea pig for any potential online moves, and the experiment hasn’t worked. ITV and E4 must be thanking them not only for the added viewers, but for the warning too. Whilst online streaming is great, it isn’t the be all and end all. And TV is going to be around for a while yet.

Love cannot be forced or fast-tracked. Here are some things to consider before jumping into a relationship.

1. The ‘friend zone’ is the best place to be

She needs to be his best ‘boy’ friend and he needs to be her best ‘girl’ friend. What do I mean by that? It’s not a case of letting your partner do what they do and not having a role in it. You need to be best friends, especially if this is the person you’re eventually going to spend the rest of your life with. If your relationship is not based on true friendship it is bound to fizzle out and if anything goes down, your bezzie will have your back. Ride or die style!

2. You need to have the ‘sex factor’

It is detrimental to be in a relationship with somebody you are not physically attracted to. No, it is not conceited; it is being real. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and we have the ability to appreciate beauty for a reason. How do you expect to maintain a healthy relationship with someone you don’t want to wake up next to every morning? More than likely you’ll end up either cheating on the person or leaving them when you find someone more attractive and this is not fair on them. Let’s face it, sex is important in a relationship and you can like a person’s personality, but when it comes down to making love you need to be physically attracted to them- either that or the “lights-off” technique will be used a hell of a lot.

3. Tell me something I don’t know!

You need to both be on the same intellectual level. Just as it is important to please the eyes, it is equally important to please and feed the brain. Isn’t it horrible when you find someone you’re really attracted to, but as soon as they open up their mouth to speak it’s like you’re talking to an infant? These days I’ve managed to clock onto how intellectual a person is merely by observing their grammar in text messages. Spellings like ‘ur’, ‘wen’, ‘dis’ and ‘dat’ are all clear indications, to me, that we are not on the same wavelength. Go read a book or something!

4. Oh… a little human… exit stage left…

You need to decide whether people with children are a no-go zone. This would not have been an issue 10 years ago but in this day and age it is becoming almost impossible to find someone without child and let me not get started on virgins. Why is it important to decipher whether you want to go there with someone who is already a parent? Because one day you will have your first child and some people would like to know that their partner is going through that for the first time too so you can both share that first time experience together. I myself have a half brother and sister and a full brother and although I am close to my older siblings there is a special bond between my younger brother and me. When I eventually have children of my own I want them to have that same experience.

There are obvious exceptions to the rule such as if their partner died, if they were raped or if you can’t have children yourself. But it is a rule that needs to be thought about. Basically, have kids responsibly cause not every person out there wants to be a stepparent, and it’s not always fair to expect them to be.

5. I believe in miracles. Do you in 2026?

The two of you need to connect on a spiritual level. Whether you’re both atheists or Christians or whatever. You both need to be on the same wavelength and preferably of the same understanding. If you’re not, there will be a lot of conflict throughout your relationship because you believe in different things.

I do not for one second believe that relationships are all about compromise. I believe that each and every person on this planet potentially has a soul mate, destined for them, who stimulates their mind, body, and soul, and who shares ambitions that support theirs; when the time is right, they will be brought together. The moment compromise becomes the key aspect of a relationship is the moment both parties have settled and have potentially lost out on the person destined for them. These are not the words of a 21-year-old female who has watched one too many rom-coms. These are the words of a female who has learnt that learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all and is in therefore no rush to compromise.

Interested and want to read more?

1. NHS – Maintaining healthy relationships and mental wellbeing
2. Top tips on building and maintaining healthy relationships
3. Relate – Relationship support and advice
4. Brook – Relationships and dating advice
5. NSPCC – Healthy relationships
6. Do you suspect red flags in your relationship?
7.  How to spot red flags in dating and relationships
8. MyCWA – Spot abuse red flags
9. RCCS – Healthy Boundaries in Relationships
10. NHS England – Relationships